I’ve witnessed many people arriving at what I am striving for. They were years younger than I am now. I have also witnessed some who achieve the success I am striving for years later. Either way they worked toward their goals. I’ve ultimately decided that despite the length of time it will take me to reach my success, I will arrive there. My intent is to become a great storyteller. I want to provide stories of depth, displaying new worlds, with old struggles, in a new way. This is the ultimate goal. Until that time arrives I have only my steps to show. Each writing in this blog, and elsewhere, has been part of a journey highlighting my progression. Though they may not be presented in order they are still able to show my growth. Hopefully, they also provide inspiration to others.
In this post I'm sharing a short story I wrote recently based on words shared with me. There is a script version of this I’m also working on and preparing to film soon involving collaboration with others. For now I present this as my most recent work that is written in a style inspired by Junot Díaz (author of Drown).
There are many projects in the works. So for now I simply focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
Confessions
By Lizann Dennis
“Can I get you anything else sweetie?” The Waitress asked, standing at the ready to take Gabriel’s order.
Gabriel noted how her jovial shape kept moving long after she stopped. The stains on her uniform looked weeks old and her hair appeared disheveled beneath the small net that attempted to contain all of it. Small wisps of her grays strayed from underneath the material. He grimaced at the idea of spending any more money here. Not only was he concerned about the appearance of the staff, but what he’d seen of the food wasn’t exactly encouraging. Still, it seemed like way to fill his time even if he didn’t have an appetite.
“Scrambled eggs and toast please,” Gabriel said, wrapping his hands around the cup of coffee in front of him.
“Some more coffee too?” The Waitress asked, pausing only briefly before making up her own mind. “I’ll at least get you a fresh pot.” With that she walked away without waiting for a response. Gabriel simply looked after her then shook his head before returning his gaze to the window and continued observing the outside world as it passed him by.
Inside the café was quiet and still, but outside, the streets were in constant motion and all of the inevitable sounds that resulted from so many people being in one area. Some of those sounds entered the café, the honk of a horn, the occasional yell as colleagues greeted each other, a train in the distance. Gabriel observed, watched as each individual pushed past each other, bundled up in different oversized coats and a variety of scarves, trying arrive at their destinations. He wondered where he would find himself when he left. Katherine left for her destination ages ago, but he remained. Her empty cup sat across from him, a ring of dried coffee resting in the bottom.
It was his idea to meet up again. To have coffee, his way of finding the courage to finally tell her everything he should have years ago. He was still surprised when she said yes to the meeting, but she did and she came.
Gabriel had gone through the trouble of making the extra effort to put himself together. Cleaned up most of his scruffy beard and donned a nice button up shirt with his favorite Calvin Klein sweater, the one with the V-neck. The one he purchased because he was advised it made him look like a GQ model. Not that any of this did him any good. Seeing Katherine again placed him back in high school. She was still gorgeous. Her figure, still a monumental part of his fantasies, had remained intact over the years. Her personality was winning and perfect as always. So when the time came to confess, he froze. He wanted to say it all, spill his guts, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her. He was sixteen again and insecure. What he wanted to say was that he was too afraid back in high school. Sorry that he’d wasted so many years because he could never take the leap. How she was always bold enough to take that step. She was the kind of person who jumped at great opportunities and who understood when something amazing was standing right in front of her. How her kindness gave him life and her laugh, like the sound of rain on a rooftop, gave him hope. How she never made him feel like he wasn’t good enough. Instead he said nothing. He just sat there.
Gabriel knew the truth. He thought too much. His own thoughts plagued him with what could go wrong. Would she feel the same? Would their love last? Would he find out that she was too perfect in the end? And just like that, his need for a confession passed.
Instead they talked about the years and how time had gone by for both of them. How neither seemed to have aged terribly. Poked fun at old classmates, and caught each other up on what family was doing at the moment.
Meanwhile, Gabriel still mulled over in his mind the way she made him feel. The one time, on the bleachers, during the school pep rally freshman year. When she grabbed his hand so suddenly, and how she held it so tightly, as they both cheered for the school mascot. Or the time she actually kissed him at the prom when they were juniors. How he returned her kiss eagerly at first, wanted to linger on her lips, and pull her closer. Instead he backed away and looked around to see if anyone saw.
She was still effortlessly beautiful and perfect. He tried to convince himself there was no such thing. There had to be something wrong with her. Why would she want him of all people? Watching her speak and smile, all those old feelings poured into him until he was full. Then it dawned on him. Why had he convinced himself he wasn't good enough? Maybe the flaw was in him. He could believe that. Because as he watched her speak, as her smile twitched into that same half grin it always does, Gabriel finally saw that Katherine was everything she appeared to be.
He could have finally tried to make amends for years of silence. For shunning her after the dance, for so long that the friendship was never really repaired, even now. He wanted to beg her forgiveness, but water under the bridge as they say. She was here. He would take that as a silent agreement of reconciliation. So he chose instead to let doubt win, letting his thoughts of a happy ending fester away in a heap of mixed emotions.
He sat alone now with his cup, the waitress returning with fresh pot refilling his, and taking her glass away, then returning shortly with his eggs and toast. He pushed the handle of the coffee cup back and forth between his two index fingers, watching the contents as they attempted to spill over. Never quite making it to the table. Katherine left about an hour ago, and he was still sitting, still mulling things over. She had to pick up her kids from her sisters before going home, always in action. He quietly cursed the man lucky enough to capture her heart. Gabriel hoped the guy knew she was something special.
With that Gabriel sighed and pulled out his wallet. He put a payment with a generous tip under his untouched plate, then pulled his own large coat on from the back of his chair and shrugged his arms into the sleeves. He wrapped up in preparation for the cold.
“Too bad I’m still terrible at letting you know how I feel,” Gabriel muttered to Katherine’s empty chair, then stood and exited the café. He joined the hundreds of others outside milling about on the streets, to look for a destination of his own.
