By My Blade...

"I vowed I would not let any harm come to her. Promised her she is mine to protect for as long as I am here fro as long as I can. So my blade never falters against her enemies because it was forged to protect her name and so it will. If the death of many is the necessary evil I must commit in order to fulfill this task then I accept that truth with a heavy heart and give my prayer now for the lives that must come to rest at my feet to prevent any harm befalling her."

Unconditional, that word can be heavy when paired with another, love. I am a person who strongly believes in the strength of love but unconditional is a bit...more...tricky. I love humanity, under certain conditions. Yes, there are hokey or cliché phrases like love overcomes all and love saves the day, but I draw my limits. Consider what unconditional can stand for if not properly applied. What if you love someone more than they love themselves? What if you begin to stalk this supposed love? What about an unconditional love that results in the magnification of ones own darkness?

I recently watched Jessica Jones on Netflix and was introduced for the first time to the Purple Man played by one of Dr. Who's many reincarnations *drumroll please* David Tennant. Now imagine a man who has literally controlled you for so long (you know, with powers because this IS a Marvel show) and none of your actions have been your own. What if there is a moment, a split second, when you could be free, do you take that chance?

Some people leap at the opportunity. Others see it as giving up on what could be a good thing. The latter, that stubbornness, is sometimes their downfall. It’s said that relationships are toxic and when you don’t recognize the poison it can wreak havoc. So I consider and reflect, how would writing a story like this go? Presenting unconditional love in such a dark manner yet still keeping such a level of awe at the commitment that you love the darkness they have embraced. That is the challenge.

So to conquer this task I am using a technique that was initiated while working on a script (another current project). This technique is based on Joseph Campbell’s The Hero With a Thousand Faces.  The process is like working with opposites: ordinary world (limited awareness of a problem) vs. approach the inmost cave (prepare for a big problem) or call to adventure (increased awareness) vs. ordeal (attempt a big change). So in a story of out of control unconditional love that goes unrequited how do you apply this? Maybe the limited awareness is that the protagonist doesn’t realize how much they love the other. So how to counter this? One possible answer is after the realization of this love the protagonist finds a way to prove this affection.

Well these will be fun questions to answer and so we shall see how this goes. To my readers I leave you with this: If you capture someone’s heart consider what lengths that person would go to protect you because they love you unconditionally. Yeah, Stockholm syndrome on any level is a bitch.

Poetic Heart

So with my longer project finally complete (yeah ok so I took like 2 years, things had to align) I feel the need to do something a bit more quick and not so grammatically focused. I always feel like poetry is  an opportunity to approach writing with a free form. To me it can be abstract painting of writing and an entire picture is there although even if it is presented in pieces that don't seem to quite fit. So far I feel the break that this project is giving me is totally worth the time I am putting into this next book.

(*DISCLAIMER* The readings mentioned in the following paragraph are graphic. Please be warned these selections may not be to your taste before following the links. You have been kindly warned so enjoy.)

And that introduces today's topic: Erotic Poetry 101. My plan is over the next 30 days (I actually started about a week ago) write out a series of poems that touch on different arousing topics and subjects. Over this period I plan to invent and reinvent sexual moments and sexual content. I want the writing to present a new side to sex through poetry, no two being the same. As part of my exploration of this I am of course reading other erotic poems and oh my some of the one's I have read. Can You Make Me Cum is thus far leading the pack as one of my favorite new discoveries. This is being followed closely by Allen Ginsberg's Please, Master which, and I have already admitted my enjoyment of references to this topic, touches on a submissive situation. What I like about Ginsberg's poem in particular is the description. Each action is broken down into a single line, not muddled together in some long expressive statement, and the narrator is yearning to be dominated. Begging with the use of anaphora to be dominated, so hot. 

In the end I am sure I have picked my next project well. As I prepare for my move across country a few poems here and there in between all the commotion will be a lot less stressful and will allow me to play around with the words in a way structured prose will not allow. Keep your ears to the ground, the plan is that this one should move a lot faster.

By the way for those of you who haven't peeked at it yet don't forget to check out my free novella on-line at: thisisthestoryofl.blogspot.com

OMG!

So this will be short. Things did not go to plan and I have not managed to post any of my other stories. It became of the utmost importance for me to finish my larger project Story of L and so my focus has been there and not without reward. I have already posted Part I and plan to have Parts II and III up before the end of the week. I did not intend to delay but I am happy for those that patiently waited for this arrival, it was not in vain.

Please view the story here and enjoy.

Finding the Right Words to say I Love You

Story of L is currently my biggest triumph in progress as well as the biggest bane in my current existence. Luckily I don't plan to to keep existing as I do at this current time and eventually I will emerge a beautiful butterfly. It's not that the task is difficult because I am fighting a bout of writers block but the pressure to complete one of my first major writing project is perhaps getting to me. I want the story to be perfect, to immediately have the ability to touch lives and change perceptions of the world. By carrying on with this mind set I have already failed myself.

I have no in depth experience writing to this capacity so there is no reason to believe that my first big writing project project will be a great success only that I want it to be. Despite my own desires for Story of L, because it is my story in a sense, I cannot expect it to become my own personal best seller. It is a stepping stone to my next level, evidence that I can write a book. I find myself trying to conclude it even now and I am so close I can taste the final chapters on the gustatory cells of my mind. My time spent in the kitchen is paying off with a delicious blend of proofing and revision as I work out the final parts missing from my story. Currently it seem two key pieces are needed for the conclusion of the saga I have created.

As of recent I have just finished reading White Oleander at the suggestion of my good friend Tamara. As I read this book an epiphany dawned on me, this is exactly how I wanted my story to be written. Not so much in the same topic by the style, the voice. At the point that I discovered this I knew I had to finish reading this book in order to arrive at a solid conclusion to my own writing.

I have noted with some most of my stories my test readers end up asking me for more; what is coming next? I kept asking myself why are they asking this. My stories have concluded, or so I thought. As I review some of the stories I see that I lacked a focal or a true conflict leading to a climax and then conclusion. In the end I could not conclude something that did not have a true beginning and middle. With this in mind I finished reading White Oleander  and received a sense of finality. I saw the direction in which I could take my own story. I started to feel at once I could make my story whole. So the journey continues.

For now interested readers will soon find that I have added a number of short stories I have been working on overtime. Each one is significantly different and displays my different approaches on writing. There just different attempts I have been trying while continuing my main project. Story of L is on the horizon and will be ready for your reading pleasure soon. Thanks for all your patience.

Path to Success?

Continuing the topic of my previous post, yes, I did indeed go see Fifty Shades of Grey. Unlike most movie goers that viewed it I actually appreciated viewing the complicated love story on the big screen. I feel that they presented it over really well (I am adding a follow up comment to my previous blog discussing this in further detail in the near future for those interested). I have always been interested in shedding the taboo on sex, just something I decided on my path through life and this writing is evidence that it is possible. There is of course some back lash, some countries stating they would release the film considering the movie to be more soft porn than an actual story, how unfortunate. With time though comes hope that we will open our eyes to the reality of how sex is a part of our lives. Writing about it is hard to do because there are many naysayers who feel it should not be expressed so freely. Instead they say keep it behind closed doors. I am not one of those believers.

Recently one of my friends even suggested that Erotic writing should be my focus since it is practically every short story I’ve written on some level. So I think to myself, why not. Steven King and John Grisham specialized in a certain area before branching out into other writing. Even Stephanie Meyer found her success with vampires before she wrote about aliens. Taking into consideration this suggestion I have decided that I may give it a try, why not, it can’t hurt. You know, start by cornering a section of the market that is not yet fully explored. I may consider specializing in lesbian erotica but it doesn’t mean that I will limit myself to this during the process. I still find myself truly interested in all level of sex: straight, gay, lesbian, BDSM, etc. If I keep my options open there is a less possibility of one day finding myself without material to write on. If I can manage to start here then perhaps my skills becoming visible will allow me to branch out elsewhere, time will tell. For now I choose to share another one of my erotic pieces with my followers. Below is a recently finalized draft of a poem I worked on. My long term goal is writing full books and to ultimately make that my breadwinner one day. For now I still write shorts and as a hobby I enjoy dabbling in poetry. Please read and enjoy until next time!

Submissive's Prayer

 

I want your eyes watching me,

as I pleasure myself at your request.

My hands glide up my thighs to my chest,

a pause,

pinching the tips of my breast

between my forefinger and thumb,

thoughts of you inside me.

My arousal verbalized

by a whimper of pleasure.

Excitement increases as my hands

snake down between my legs,

pretending they are yours, until

I am rocking slowly on my own fingers

marinating them in my juices.

My eyes close and my breathing increases,

as my body becomes uncontrollable,

trembling.

 

 

My climax, undesirable,

is forfeited by you as my fingers are removed

from their satin glove and tied above me.

The rope bites deliciously into my wrist.

No longer allowed to pleasure myself,

control is left to you as you push

my thighs apart, entering me with such force

over and

over.

You tell me to look at you and I do.

Watching the sweat build

and drip. Tasting it as I lick my own lips,

listening to your guttural satisfaction

as you enter me. I smell the efforts

of our activity in the air.

Then you pause

and I feel you resting in me, deeply, touching the back of my walls.

My sides squeeze you urging you to come inside me,

coercing you to fill me with more of you until I can’t take any more.

My mouth parched as it hangs open hoarse from moans

my dom has pushed unbidden from my lips.

I only desire to please,

 

 

The mingling of our juices

lets me know that I do.

500

You know, I’m not conceited when it comes to my writing (although I like to imagine I will be a great writer one day) but I have to admit I am proud of myself. As I progress through the trials and tribulations of trying to find my voice I feel I mature. Today I  am metaphorically comparing my current task to one of my favorite warrior movies, 300. Three hundred soldiers stood at the gates fending off thousands of Persians and their intent to conquer all of Greece. These Spartan soldiers saw no end to their battle as waves and waves of Persians encroached up on their home. The only thing to give them strength was each other and the thought of saving their families and homes from the bloodthirsty ravaging that the Persians would surely visit upon their women and children. They could not fail at their task.

I am no Spartan but I like to consider that my craft (as it is honed more and more) and my mind set to be that of the warrior class. My weapons of choice are my words. I select each as if I was looking for that one fine blade that I can use to slice your every thought to pieces, a blade so fine that it would bury itself deeply within the cognitive recesses of my reader’s minds.  I like to flirt with a poetic style and create writing that gives a romantic feel to all subjects even darker ones. I like to touch on things that make the world seem strange and brand new but at the same time reinvents it so that anything can be normal (at least I’d like to think I’m so bold but I’m still working on this). Right now in efforts to better my craft I am still reading as always. Currently in my possession are several selections including the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins as well as American Gods by Neil Gaiman. I have just completed The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This is my first self-help book and I have found it quite enlightening and peaceful to read. It is such a wonderful book that inspires great introspective thought and really gets you to look at yourself then come out of yourself to realize the world is not worth stressing over. Even though it took me some time, and I muddled through some passages, it was a rather Zen like experience reading The Power of Now. So my reading habit is there and maybe I’ll be able to read a book a week at some point (not now). As for the writing side of things that is a bit more of a task (hence the title indicated here).

I have now challenged myself a step further. As my focus grows and my dedication becomes more of a need to write rather than an awareness that I should be writing I am requesting of myself 500 words a day. This excludes writings like work e-mails of course (or this blog for example) and specifically focuses on my creative writing. As a result of this I have managed to get Story of L closer to completion in the last few weeks alone than I have in the last couple of years. It’s exciting to watch my enthusiasm grow as the days progress. There are times when I have to write in order to feel like my day is complete. I am still struggling with consistency but the guilt of slacking forces me to make up the times I don’t get to sit down and write. I plan to proceed with this state of mind and make writing a regular part of my daily routine as I work on selecting the proper words to convey the settings and moods I desire. I want to continue weaving spells of worlds and situations that don’t exist but you swear they could.

Procrastination IS my worst enemy (as it is for most writers) and something I’m trying to put behind me when it comes to my craft. I no longer want to make excuses instead I want to make art with my words and produce work that I am proud of. I will shed my weaknesses and come out on top excelling at that task I have set before myself. I will become a warrior for art because I don’t see myself being anything else.

Fifty Shades of Grey

*SPOILERS* I have warned you!

Okay, so this may be T.M.I (too much information for those unaware) but I rather enjoy the world that Fifty Shades of Grey portrays. Learning about submissive and dominants is sort of a hobby of mine and reading different aspects of the subject can be fun. As Rhianna states “sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.” With the upcoming movie I am taking some time to briefly discuss the series overall and mention a few of my likes and dislikes.

In the past I have read only one other book with similar content, so I'm no expert. The book has been previously mentioned as Haven: A First Taste written by the author Spoken Pandora. This book was an introduction for me into a world I never knew I liked until I delved into the reading. The talk of pain as pleasure and couples that created structured sexual roles sent a thrill up my spine. My follow up to this is the very entertaining Fifty series. This series is great as a not too serious read that provides some points of interest that I did not find in Haven (Haven is an ongoing series and I eagerly wait for the arrival of the next book).

One example of my unique finds is the memorable moment in the Fifty series when the Ben Wa Balls are used by Christian and he states: “I am going to put these inside of you, and then I’m going to spank you, not for punishment, but for your pleasure and mine.” That moment had me holding my breath waiting for what came next. This intimate brush with  BDSM that the series provides is invigorating. As enjoyable as those shocking moments were , there was character development and at points comical moments that mimic the bad habits present in Twilight  (the book series with glittery vampire that inspired Fifty).

One of the issues is the repetitive description of the gorgeous male leads. As Edward is oh so beautiful and attractive in Twilight so too is our dear Mr. Christian Grey. This statement is made so many times I find myself my eyes rolling at every mention of HIS smoldering eyes by the end of book one. I dear say, exactly how many times can you mention someone’s entrancing visage (Maybe someone will make time to count but I’d like to use my time wisely). Then there is our Bella Swan of the Fifty  franchise, Anastasia Steele. She resembles Bella in that same ‘pretty but oh so clueless’ that you almost feel bad for her not realizing her own beauty. I just question how low her self-esteem is, seriously. There is also the predictable reading, that’s almost comical to me, as Christian’s deep intense gazes catch Anastasia off guard. Ultimately his stares lead to our main attraction, the sex scenes which is followed by Anastasia stating how much of a God Christian is in bed (I chalk her ravings up to a side effect of her inexperience as Christian is the only man she sleeps with). So there are a few things that irk me but despite these dislikes there are positive elements I did enjoy.

The first bonus for this writing, that I personally find pleasure in, is the speech of the main character. The story is told in first person from the thoughts and observations of Anastasia who is a college graduate and her vocabulary reflects this. For me it makes it a bit more authentic. We are experiencing things as only she describes them and it is more believable when she makes certain statements with a collegiate mind. Now this may not seem like a big thing to some but I explore other writings includin Zane and the vocabulary of some of her more educated characters brings into question: where exactly did you attended school? There is also that descriptive element to all of the scenes. You can picture Christian from every inch (giggles) and with the intense sex scenes this goes well. I can see Christian and Anastasia in the elevator at the restaurant as everyone crowds in and Christian starts to finger her. Or the time they sit in the parking lot and have a quickie after the adrenaline rush from their recent chase going at it like gorillas (thank you to Bruno Mars for that song). It is an enjoyable adventure to read about how they can’t keep their hands off each other. It is also fun to watch Christian’s character develop because he goes from complete control freak to losing control over this one girl. There is one scene where he simply falls apart and becomes a submissive himself because he doesn’t know what else to do with her. Anastasia watches as he loses himself and it almost breaks my heart as he leaves himself vulnerable because he doesn’t know what else to do (I personally would have taken advantage of a submissive Christian but eh, that’s me). What she ends up doing for him is building him back up, returning a healthier view of himself and his life so that he is not living on the edge. She makes him feel normal. The story overall gives you something to look forward to as they are like every other looking for someone to give the balance needed.

To sum this up if you’re looking for something that will certainly get the blood pumping to all the right areas this series can do that. It is also so much more if you pay attention. I recall reading at some point a review that discussed how this is the glorifying abusive or controlling relationships. I frowned at this narrow mindedness because this is story is something beautiful that is being twisted because of the perspective it is being viewed from. If you want to see the bad you will. If this is too much for you and you can’t see the beauty that is quite unfortunate. For those of you with an open mind I say enjoy.

New Year, New...

So people, a new year is upon us. This year I have discovered the positives of using trending books to boost my blog views. I have also successfully (more or less) launched a zine with fellow interested writers. The site may need some work but I’m am planning to tweak it a bit so the traffic to the site will be increased hopefully. I also have plans to put up a link here so readers of this blog can look into that writing as well. I am looking for other projects and new employment.

 

The joys of being employed as a writer are unknown to me. Of course the writing I am doing and my employment would likely be separate but I do feel I need to get in that field and deal with other like minds. Having the opportunity to pick someone’s brain about a plot or a character on a regular basis would be amazing…but I may have to settle for technical writing  or content writer. Basically looking of or a position which involves some entry level writing so I can build my portfolio and work on my writing in general.

 

Today, being a slow day at my job and with all of my cognitive energies returning I am taking the time to make my next entry in this blog. I am contemplating and mulling over the things I have seen and done during my interim from here. They have been amazing, sad, happy, colorful, bland moments and all of them were well worth it. Life is an interesting source in and of itself and sometimes you just need to experience it instead of writing about it. What I enjoy about this is the opportunity to observe and be in the moment. Then, with my poor poor (poor) memory, reliving everything is on an almost fictional scale. My mind is able to create an abstract idea of the experience and I can invent amazing things.

 

There are times where I will invent on the spot something magical that does not exist before me but my mind will go beyond what I am seeing  and create something whimsical and new. At other times such as this I need to remove myself from the standard writing process. Shake things up because I  can and create a new mentality. By doing this I approach my writing at a different angle. I am no longer writing at 45 degrees but instead it’s now 35 degrees. Or perhaps I go in the other direction and it is now 55 degrees.

 

Whatever the angle I am realizing something new by giving myself a different vantage point. I see something that was always there but because I was looking at it only one way it was only seen this way. Now I am able to twist it into something new and strangely wonderful because my mind has taken the opportunity and reinvented the item. I do enjoy having a creative mind.

Check out the on-line zine at: http://herspotzine.wix.com/herspotzine