Late Inspiration

So I'm being a bleeding heart again. It's early morning in Cali and I just dreamed up this little piece. This is only the first draft written in 45 minutes but something that I enjoyed and will revise later:

Sharing is not caring.

Nor the calls from your secret lover at 4 am.

Or the way you dismissed us so casually

Yet claimed how you fought for me.

But truth is, you wanted our end more than me

because the walls of your mind had become so thin,

I could hear each thought creeping in.

Just as you crept into our bed

during those late night hours.

And I'm thinking my heart can't suffer more,

but I was wrong on that too

when she won the prize and got you

while I dealt with a cancelled dinner for two.

Here I was being stupid enough 

To try and hang on thinking I could swing the vote

Little did I know elections were a year ago.

And you said we had chance, needed time.

And I believed that same tired line

For years.

Don't bother apologizing

you've convinced me of my fears,

that there are people selfish enough to do as you've done.

But what's your life without YOLO and a little fun.

Friends perceived a bad start

but even tin has more heart

than what you put in.

Just admit you were always unsure

Because even then I was sharing you with her.

Horns Dance Beneath the Full Moon

“Men have killed for love, gone to war for it, and altered the very view of the world for years to come. Why should I not build a career on love, it is a great and effective tool.”

As I continue my journey, now in the state of California, several things come to mind. The freedom of this state is one that I am coming to enjoy on several levels. Not in the sense that I am free to roam (still getting settled unfortunately) but instead I speak of freedom from the weights and chains that I allowed to hold me back. I consider the opportunity to explore new cultures, new food, new terrain as well as exploring a new understanding of love for myself.

I have had an opportunity to delve deeper in to the depths of my own psyche and test the very word. From continued observation of heterosexuals to enjoying the developing understanding of pansexuals I let simmer and marinate a new recipe of love as I view the world from a new vantage point. How can I express the very thing that gives me life? How can I reinvent the thing some have grown weary of seeing due to overexposure? Even more challenging can I do this with my own words effectively and without restraint exploring the worlds of BDSM until I am satisfied or the effects of true love from a skewed perspective. I seek words that speak of sensuality that will makes your skin crawl with longing. Words that will create a burning dislike yet calm understanding of a character. I want to create moments that go beyond the death of star-crossed lovers. Can I do this. The answer is yes. I can with time learn what is necessary. 

When my day arrives I will bleed for love a color so pure that I will put to shame the reddest of roses on Valentine’s Day. It is a desire I wish to unleash upon the world, my interest in love. I intend to take this emotion far beyond the simple romanticizing of dinner by candlelight. I believe in a love so pure that the ideal couple spends everyday trying to outdo the fantasy of their partner in both small and grand gestures. It’s funny to think that some will not understand what I’m trying to express. I cannot imagine one’s life passing without the longing or feeling of this intense sentiment. A need for balance so strong that it is in the storm of your love that you find your calm. This love is displayed splendidly in Game of Thrones between Khaleesi and Drogo. It is not the only one that hints at what I am attempting to display but it is one of my favorites. They start as strangers yet she becomes his compassion and he becomes her strength. In the end he needs her as much as she needs him:

“You are the moon of my life,

that’s all I know

and all I need to know.

And if this is a dream

I will kill the man who tries to wake me….”  - Drogo (Season 2 Episode 10)