Playing Devil's Advocate

Ok so I’m overthinking this but it’s what I do, overthink. Now I thought randomly to myself how our views of the world make us see things from such different perspectives. It gets to a point where one person can see something so optimistically while the other has pessimistic thoughts regarding the same subject. I get it, it’s called opinion, but the sheer spectrum of how different opinions are says a lot about humans in general.

Exhibit A put up for discussion “Part of Your World” as sung in the Little Mermaid. So I will be discussing this song in two parts: myself with an optimistic mindset and of course myself as the other (bet you saw that coming). 

This is just a little random fun to prove a point. My mind went to both as I listened to a recent rendition of the song and I just kind of chuckled to myself. I am choosing to focus on specific lyrics that sparked this moment and those words are as follows: 

“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat? / Wouldn’t you think my collections complete?”

…

“I got whozits and whatzits galore / You want thingamabobs? I got twenty. / But who cares? No big deal, I want more!”

So now I will proceed to break down the way in which one part of me translated the song and how the other counters. Nothing special here except trying to create concise arguments. In a sense it is good practice for characters because the question is: can I express their disagreement clearly in so many words? Well the limit is set at 100 per viewpoint so let’s go!

OPTIMIST: These lyrics show that the individual is looking to reach another level of success. Whether that be financially, with a career, or with herself, she realizes she is not at the end of her possibilities. The strength of these words indicates that she is prepared to fight and do better than her current situation. This song says so much about how we look at our condition and continue to find hope in tomorrow, never settling. She questions these possessions and “want[s] more” because why would you accept the sky when you can reach for the stars?

PESSIMIST: Greed is one of the seven deadly sins. Instead of feeling content and happy that she has been provided so much she looks for more. This mindset is that of an unappreciative person and with her lack of a thank you and the statement “no big deal” she illustrates this point well. She does not see what she can do with the items already provided. Instead she seeks to gain more: more control, more possessions, more attention. By putting herself in a state of unrest she proves that no matter what others provide she will not be satisfied.

So, which side would you choose?

* This entire “debate” is a result of watching the video of one little girl singing this very dear childhood song. You can find the link for her video below, Enjoy!

To: Auntie Betty

Dear Auntie Betty,

Funny, I have always seen it spelled with a "Y". Elizabeth, in your name I find part of my own. I wonder if your mother, when she named me, saw a little bit of you in me and couldn't help herself. Subliminally she decided we would be connected and chose a name that was similar yet unique for both of us.

I am here now, in your state, trying to make a name. I consider how close we could have been. How much of an influence you could be in my life. If only our family was more closely knit. You could have explained to me the process required to register my car in California or the steps to ship it to this state. I guess I figured things out but why, when I had access to all your wisdom, did I have to struggle? Instead of inquiring I dove like a gold medal Olympian right into the mistakes and missteps I tried to avoid.

I bet you know a lot about the woes of love that I encountered in my life. You could have kept me from the pitfalls by reinforcing how beautiful I was as a child and tell me about how far I would be able to go once I set everyone else behind me and focused on my own worth. I still remember how you made me consider everyone else's worth and made sure that I tipped my waiter or waitress well. You would laugh to see how everyone looks at me strangely when I over tip no matter how bad the service.

I remember there was a day in Jacksonville where Mom, Ebony, and I went to a restaurant and even after the terrible service - waitress must have had a really bad day - and despite what Mom and Ebony stated I tipped $20. We prepared to leave and you wouldn't believe the appreciation on the waitresses face as she made sure to stop us as we were leaving and thank us. I smiled and nodded recalling your words that summer in 2009 as we sat at the pizza location in St. Thomas; they work hard for their money and live off of tips, make sure you pay well.

I will always be unhappy that I never connected more with my roots. That even "home" feels foreign to me. You provided me one of the rare moments where I felt grounded and rooted before the clouds reclaimed me and I was again daydreaming with beautiful rainbows and unicorns around me. This is my thank you because you truly impacted me more than you may ever know.

Love,

Lizann

Late Inspiration

So I'm being a bleeding heart again. It's early morning in Cali and I just dreamed up this little piece. This is only the first draft written in 45 minutes but something that I enjoyed and will revise later:

Sharing is not caring.

Nor the calls from your secret lover at 4 am.

Or the way you dismissed us so casually

Yet claimed how you fought for me.

But truth is, you wanted our end more than me

because the walls of your mind had become so thin,

I could hear each thought creeping in.

Just as you crept into our bed

during those late night hours.

And I'm thinking my heart can't suffer more,

but I was wrong on that too

when she won the prize and got you

while I dealt with a cancelled dinner for two.

Here I was being stupid enough 

To try and hang on thinking I could swing the vote

Little did I know elections were a year ago.

And you said we had chance, needed time.

And I believed that same tired line

For years.

Don't bother apologizing

you've convinced me of my fears,

that there are people selfish enough to do as you've done.

But what's your life without YOLO and a little fun.

Friends perceived a bad start

but even tin has more heart

than what you put in.

Just admit you were always unsure

Because even then I was sharing you with her.

Horns Dance Beneath the Full Moon

“Men have killed for love, gone to war for it, and altered the very view of the world for years to come. Why should I not build a career on love, it is a great and effective tool.”

As I continue my journey, now in the state of California, several things come to mind. The freedom of this state is one that I am coming to enjoy on several levels. Not in the sense that I am free to roam (still getting settled unfortunately) but instead I speak of freedom from the weights and chains that I allowed to hold me back. I consider the opportunity to explore new cultures, new food, new terrain as well as exploring a new understanding of love for myself.

I have had an opportunity to delve deeper in to the depths of my own psyche and test the very word. From continued observation of heterosexuals to enjoying the developing understanding of pansexuals I let simmer and marinate a new recipe of love as I view the world from a new vantage point. How can I express the very thing that gives me life? How can I reinvent the thing some have grown weary of seeing due to overexposure? Even more challenging can I do this with my own words effectively and without restraint exploring the worlds of BDSM until I am satisfied or the effects of true love from a skewed perspective. I seek words that speak of sensuality that will makes your skin crawl with longing. Words that will create a burning dislike yet calm understanding of a character. I want to create moments that go beyond the death of star-crossed lovers. Can I do this. The answer is yes. I can with time learn what is necessary. 

When my day arrives I will bleed for love a color so pure that I will put to shame the reddest of roses on Valentine’s Day. It is a desire I wish to unleash upon the world, my interest in love. I intend to take this emotion far beyond the simple romanticizing of dinner by candlelight. I believe in a love so pure that the ideal couple spends everyday trying to outdo the fantasy of their partner in both small and grand gestures. It’s funny to think that some will not understand what I’m trying to express. I cannot imagine one’s life passing without the longing or feeling of this intense sentiment. A need for balance so strong that it is in the storm of your love that you find your calm. This love is displayed splendidly in Game of Thrones between Khaleesi and Drogo. It is not the only one that hints at what I am attempting to display but it is one of my favorites. They start as strangers yet she becomes his compassion and he becomes her strength. In the end he needs her as much as she needs him:

“You are the moon of my life,

that’s all I know

and all I need to know.

And if this is a dream

I will kill the man who tries to wake me….”  - Drogo (Season 2 Episode 10)

By My Blade...

"I vowed I would not let any harm come to her. Promised her she is mine to protect for as long as I am here fro as long as I can. So my blade never falters against her enemies because it was forged to protect her name and so it will. If the death of many is the necessary evil I must commit in order to fulfill this task then I accept that truth with a heavy heart and give my prayer now for the lives that must come to rest at my feet to prevent any harm befalling her."

Unconditional, that word can be heavy when paired with another, love. I am a person who strongly believes in the strength of love but unconditional is a bit...more...tricky. I love humanity, under certain conditions. Yes, there are hokey or cliché phrases like love overcomes all and love saves the day, but I draw my limits. Consider what unconditional can stand for if not properly applied. What if you love someone more than they love themselves? What if you begin to stalk this supposed love? What about an unconditional love that results in the magnification of ones own darkness?

I recently watched Jessica Jones on Netflix and was introduced for the first time to the Purple Man played by one of Dr. Who's many reincarnations *drumroll please* David Tennant. Now imagine a man who has literally controlled you for so long (you know, with powers because this IS a Marvel show) and none of your actions have been your own. What if there is a moment, a split second, when you could be free, do you take that chance?

Some people leap at the opportunity. Others see it as giving up on what could be a good thing. The latter, that stubbornness, is sometimes their downfall. It’s said that relationships are toxic and when you don’t recognize the poison it can wreak havoc. So I consider and reflect, how would writing a story like this go? Presenting unconditional love in such a dark manner yet still keeping such a level of awe at the commitment that you love the darkness they have embraced. That is the challenge.

So to conquer this task I am using a technique that was initiated while working on a script (another current project). This technique is based on Joseph Campbell’s The Hero With a Thousand Faces.  The process is like working with opposites: ordinary world (limited awareness of a problem) vs. approach the inmost cave (prepare for a big problem) or call to adventure (increased awareness) vs. ordeal (attempt a big change). So in a story of out of control unconditional love that goes unrequited how do you apply this? Maybe the limited awareness is that the protagonist doesn’t realize how much they love the other. So how to counter this? One possible answer is after the realization of this love the protagonist finds a way to prove this affection.

Well these will be fun questions to answer and so we shall see how this goes. To my readers I leave you with this: If you capture someone’s heart consider what lengths that person would go to protect you because they love you unconditionally. Yeah, Stockholm syndrome on any level is a bitch.

Poetic Heart

So with my longer project finally complete (yeah ok so I took like 2 years, things had to align) I feel the need to do something a bit more quick and not so grammatically focused. I always feel like poetry is  an opportunity to approach writing with a free form. To me it can be abstract painting of writing and an entire picture is there although even if it is presented in pieces that don't seem to quite fit. So far I feel the break that this project is giving me is totally worth the time I am putting into this next book.

(*DISCLAIMER* The readings mentioned in the following paragraph are graphic. Please be warned these selections may not be to your taste before following the links. You have been kindly warned so enjoy.)

And that introduces today's topic: Erotic Poetry 101. My plan is over the next 30 days (I actually started about a week ago) write out a series of poems that touch on different arousing topics and subjects. Over this period I plan to invent and reinvent sexual moments and sexual content. I want the writing to present a new side to sex through poetry, no two being the same. As part of my exploration of this I am of course reading other erotic poems and oh my some of the one's I have read. Can You Make Me Cum is thus far leading the pack as one of my favorite new discoveries. This is being followed closely by Allen Ginsberg's Please, Master which, and I have already admitted my enjoyment of references to this topic, touches on a submissive situation. What I like about Ginsberg's poem in particular is the description. Each action is broken down into a single line, not muddled together in some long expressive statement, and the narrator is yearning to be dominated. Begging with the use of anaphora to be dominated, so hot. 

In the end I am sure I have picked my next project well. As I prepare for my move across country a few poems here and there in between all the commotion will be a lot less stressful and will allow me to play around with the words in a way structured prose will not allow. Keep your ears to the ground, the plan is that this one should move a lot faster.

By the way for those of you who haven't peeked at it yet don't forget to check out my free novella on-line at: thisisthestoryofl.blogspot.com

OMG!

So this will be short. Things did not go to plan and I have not managed to post any of my other stories. It became of the utmost importance for me to finish my larger project Story of L and so my focus has been there and not without reward. I have already posted Part I and plan to have Parts II and III up before the end of the week. I did not intend to delay but I am happy for those that patiently waited for this arrival, it was not in vain.

Please view the story here and enjoy.