An uncontrollable itch urges my fingers upwards to my face and I scratch manically around the edges, trying to find relief. This tactic worked many times before but brings me no reprieve now and my nails only dig deeper. I find myself lost in the frenzy as my fingers tips scrape against my face. My nails try to catch the edges and pull at them but it won’t give so easily. I need it off and despite my attempts it will not release itself. As if some unknown adhesive secures it to my skin. I can feel it pulling at my flesh as I try to pry it off. It is stubborn but I am determined to have it be done with it.
I redouble my efforts to cast if from me. It is no longer who I am, why won’t it leave, and this becomes my subtle prayer trying to urge its removal. I will no longer allow its reputation to proceed my own. I yearn to see the world as myself and for the world to see me, even if I am to be judged.
Then, just like that, it releases as if nothing had ever held it there. I am able to peel it away and already the world looks newer and brighter. I can already feel the difference in the wind and the sun feels like a caress on my face instead of a scorching torch now that my mask is removed.
So there was this artist that I met on Wall Street the night
of May 22nd in front of the WaiTiki Lounge. In attempts to support
my local art I purchased a small item from Mr. Chris Tobar that was of interest to me. Several of his pieces involved the use of a gas mask and many portrayed what appeared to me to be Native American markings. Before procuring the item I asked him for a
better understanding. In response to
my inquiry, and I will try my best to summarize here, he explained that we as
a people wear masks in our society. He explains that as we search for ourselves
we find realization one day and remove our masks after we go “native”.
In other words as we find ourselves, and not simply what society determines we
are, we are no longer alien to ourselves but so much more. We are a deeper understanding of
ourselves and not simply the mask most people see on the surface.
Suffice it to say I was quite inspired. What I wouldn’t do
to have written this during that moment of inspiration. Alas, other obligations
required that I go to bed that night and so two days later I am trying to
recapture the pure rapture and elation I felt when I considered his words that
night. What If I were to take on the same state of mind? What if I am a native
girl, a fighter for art, willing to take up the tools of my trade and defend my
creativity? All I am waiting to do is unmask myself and become the
creative mind I was meant to be.
I leave you with one thing
more that I strongly back:
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL ARTIST!
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