Burning the Midnight Oil

So today I felt inspired by the recent insistence of not only my girl who constantly says I procrastinate but also by the grind of Mikestro. Mikestro is the stage name of a fellow creative mind and co-worker that I am familiar with. He is up at the wee  hours of the morning working on his music. Being a local music producer that is involved in the up and coming works of local artists he is attempting to make a name for himself. In this same way I realize I have to make a strong effort to put myself out there more. So with this in mind I have been at this laptop working continously on this page including links now to my own work. As I consider that I am finally putting these items up for public view I become more aware of my dissatisfaction with the work being displayed. Errors become that much more noticeable to me.

What this means is that I will be doing a mass overhaul of of these items and making sure they are well polished for view before I start passing out information about my page to anyone. This is my business card and I need to treat it as such. When I recommend anyone to view my site I want to know that they are viewing A plus work and anything less just won't do. This will be my mission that by the end of December all of my work is up to par with my expectations. So there, I have declared what I will being doing for the next month well before school starts up again.

Concerning Myself with the Small Things

So, turkeys have suffered a large number of casualties, dinners have been cooked, meals and desserts have been eaten, and yet still must I continue to consider my class assignments throughout all of it. To make it even better not only was my mother in town but I found myself sick with fever. Trying to stay focused and write as needed I son realizd was very difficult. My ambition is quelled quite easily when life gets in the way. What does that say about me and my supposed passion about writing? Am I really not destined for the great writing adventure I had anticipated on finding myself to be taking by this time? Is my self-doubt my new excuse? Or is it the knowledge of the increasing number of obstacles in my way that causes me to no longer reach for the stars but instead map and painstakingly plan my slow crawl to success that will only be level with skyscrapers.

It is an unfortunate thing to find oneself not meeting the goals one expected to reach when it comes down to it. Over the years I have accumulated a number of story ideas and even written a few. I have not however pursued any of them at a more serious level. I have yet to have my work published and I struggle more and more each day with the idea of my writing even being worthy to grace the pages of any publication. Even in the class I am currently taking I find my mind unable to produce the desired effect and get ahead. I am only able to reach the minimal and turn in the assignments at the time of the deadline. I was hoping to be ahead, to actually produce the work needed well before it was due. So I finished my article for one content editor two weeks ago in this mock publication of mine. I meant to proof everything and turn it in before Thanksgiving. I finally finished and turned it in today and it is due Tuesday. This is isn’t necessarily terrible but it doesn’t meet my expectations of my own deadline. Now I have a second article to write which is in actuality a short story. I have practically 2 days to do this and proof my work. Now it is time to truly test my writing skills and creativity; let’s see what I have in me.

Writing articles may not be for me

So I have to write an article for my class. Fatigue is a terrible monkey to carry on your back. I think my classmate may detest me at this point because I submitted three different ideas for this group project we are working on. Oh yeah! I mentioned this in my last blog, it is our mock publication. The terrible thing is that I started this already kind of iffy about the idea I was submitting. Of course it led to confusion and needed clarification and so I felt the need to clarify. So I set about submitting 2-3 more additional posts to attempt and explain my article idea.

 What I was trying to write about you ask, what makes a great fantasy. Our mock publication was going to revolve around fantasy so wouldn’t our fake reader be interested in reading about the makings of great fantasy work, from my perspective anyway. After sometime and reviewing the idea I became frustrated with the thought, said forget it, and scratched the whole thing. Instead I’ll try to something else. I formulated a new idea.  I thought it would be a good thing to explain to up and coming writers that the emotions of a character can play a major part in the story. That was idea number two.

That proceeded to bomb equally as much. It was hard to explain to my classmate how I wanted to present the article so that the writer can understand that the characters emotions displayed properly were essential for the reader to really connect. I probably explain it better here than I did to her. I’m just blaming the whole thing on lack of sleep. Again I went on to use 2-3 additional posts to simply try and convey the right thing. I felt satisfied, momentarily.

My classmate then proceeded to e-mail each group members idea in a single message. I reviewed the other submissions and felt mines was quite inadequate when lined up and compared to the others. So with sleep finally in my system and to my satisfaction (probably my classmates chagrin) I responded to her e-mail and submitted a finale article idea: flashback. I need to practice this anyway and what better way to learn my faults in using this skill than to go through and research it in order to teach others. So there we have it. My idea finalized.

Procrastinating

So you thought blogging was easy. Sitting at the computer trying to figure out the purpose for this wonderful tool that receives such praise, and that is exactly what I am doing, sitting. Trying to determine my true purpose for this blog as Adrien Brody shoots at mountain lions while trapped in a car in a movie called Wrecked. I hope this will not be the verb that comes to describe my own blogging attempt but I do believe in my writing and I have to stand behind it because my belief was so strong at one point I cherished and prided the idea of eventually making a living on it alone. Now doubts plague my mind and as I push forward into what I hope to be the most productive year of my life those same thoughts gather around me swarming like gnats as little reminders of how much the world could care less if I fail or succeed.

In the end I really don't know what I'm doing. I can only attempt to try as hard as I can resolve to do something and that is exactly what will happen here. If I do wreck hopefully I will be able to pull myself out and find that there is still a chance to overcome. Well back to homework.

Day 2 and more to go...

So, day two of my frustration. At this time I am currently trying to figure out how to write two pieces for my mock publication in class. At the same time I am trying to launch my story blog. I am also trying to make an effort to write in this blog every day and I am behind in the reading for my literature class. Did I mention I hate my job by the way? Here is where I would insert the maniacal laughter that would follow as I feel myself being torn in all different directions and try to retain enough sanity to focus and write something. At this point I feel I just want to write but I can't seem to meet the guidelines of my classmates and writing for myself is out of the question because I have to get my school work out of the way first.

How do I provide a fantasy story that is insightful? My problem is I just don’t know what to be insightful about right now. My other writing project is dealing with love and my mindset is really focused on this idea so when I submitted my article idea it was shot down because it seemed to cliché. That is because the article had to do with love. I didn’t think it was but may the topic of love is to everyone. Choosing the world or the woman you love. What if you saved her from a number of perils only to find out that the journey you both started out on to save the world was her suicide mission and she never told you. What if the woman you loved didn’t love you and knew to save you the humiliation of the situation she chose to tell you nothing? Maybe you are the best mercenary for the job and she needs your protection and murderous hands because she needs you to kill her since she must die innocently as a sacrifice. So in the end she taunts you and in a moment of rage you kill her to save the world. Is it still a good deed?

Well, I think I just found my breakthrough...